I DON'T HAVE AN END FOR THIS POEM

by Jeff Hill and the Carbomb Sermon

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about

This is a true story.

lyrics

I grew up in a family full of women. 1 mom 2 grandmothers 2 sisters and a whole lot of cousins. There’s dozens of them. Making a living kept my dad away and my mom worked every single day so my granny kept us. We’d watch movies back to back and she’d always fast forward through the part in fried green tomatoes where all the women straddled mirrors. It was a mystery to me but as i grew it became clearer. There were things in this life that she didn’t want me to know. She wouldn’t let me make my own sandwiches because she feared I would cut myself with a butter knife. She wasn’t wrong, because even that early on there were skips in the song. Skips happen when your cd is scratched or dirty. Dirty happens when the door isn’t latched like it should be.

I grew up thinking that men were monsters. None of the women in my life taught me that. I learned it by constant repetition. Locker room talk like kill yourself you fat fuck. Nice tits.

But boys will be boys

And eventually boys will be men and eventually I will be a man.

Fuck I’m gonna be a monster. If that’s the case then why Am I still alive. I’d rather be dead than find myself hiding beneath my bed. I don’t have an ending for this poem. I don’t have an ending for this poem. My mama held me every night while I cried. I never told her that I wanted to die. But she held me and she told me it would be alright. My mother gave me life. And my Mama saved my life.

credits

released April 3, 2020
Jeff Hill - words
words recorded by Alan Sifuentes
beats and production by Dane Abernathy

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all rights reserved

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Jeff Hill and the Carbomb Sermon image

Jeff Hill and the Carbomb Sermon Valdosta, Georgia

I think and write. So can you.

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